February 2011
32 posts
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I should note that things have completely turned around. I am mostly a bundle of giddy nerves and a blushing idiot since Saturday. I am too shy to say much more but…
I’m pretty happy.
Why is it that I only listen to sad music and The Sign by Ace of Base?
January 2011
62 posts
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I have quite a sick feeling now that I’m home and finally understand how Joe could let himself just avoid a situation day after day instead of dealing with it. Nicky gave me a Xanax for it but I feel sad in my lethargy.
I hate how I constantly feel ignored. I hate how it is easy to discount everything I like. I think that the reason I get so upset about bands is because it represents the...
“I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you.”
– First Day of My Life
ohandfortherecord asked: I know... but I drink so much water?! I feel dehydrated when I come in the house so always have a glass or bottle of water, in fact I have some now. We've been having the central heating on a lot because of the cold weather but I make sure it's off overnight and through the daytime. Not sure what to do!
I’m craving straight-forwardness. It’s been too long since someone has been forth-coming with me.
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Sleepwalking.
I just had the strangest dream in which the present bent backwards and overlapped the past. I was with Dragon and Patrick and my past self got hit in the eye by a fast pitch and was kind of bloody and bruised and I had to try to fix her. Basically she laid down and I used a cold wet rag to wipe off the blood and to reduce swelling while Patrick got ice. I looked through the first aid box and found...
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More productive
Thank you for making it easy to say goodbye I suppose.
I’m so sick of passive aggressive indirect communication. I’m exhausted by the effort it takes to be appropriately vague and impersonal. I just can’t keep doing that.
I guess I just have to express all of my feelings or none of them and it’s hard to feel them all at once.
Basically Joe forgot we had made plans to...
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Skin crawling makes me wish I could talk to someone but friendships are a weird effort to balance between too much information with too little.
Sometimes I think it is really unfair that I doubt my friends when they are so nice and caring to me.
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sick, depressed, decomposing, everything real and vivid and painful.
everything fantasized and immersed in and denied.
last night Joe and I had “a really good talk” that made me think of all of those words. I woke up feeling especially terrible but maybe that is the combo of drugs I am on. I’m still hoping that this feeling goes away soon and that it is medical but part of me...
I wish I had songs to sing but I can never write them myself. Today I have picked up my guitar for the first time in a long time. Maybe someday in a million years from now I will post a video.
In typical fashion I’m suddenly feeling heavy and sad. I’m going to go to sleep before it gets worse. Sometimes I really feel like someone is dropping these terrible thoguhts into my head and then all these tingling beads of heavy liquid feeling permeate from my head outward, over my arms and fingers and legs and toes until I feel liek my body is actually sinking into the bed. It...
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The Tallest Man On Earth
Burden of Tomorrow: this song makes me feel like I should start running and that when I speed up my feet will touch the ground less and less until they barely graze it and then as the chorus comes in it will put air between the ground and me.
I only have it in m4a so I can’t post but I highly recommend it. This whole album (The Wild Hunt) is brilliant and makes me feel great.
The first...
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“No woman wants an abortion as she wants an ice cream cone or a Porsche. She...”
– Frederica Mathewes-Green (via -letitulaire)
I used this quote in the zine about my own abortion because I now know this feeling so well. Today is the 38th anniversary of Roe vs Wade and I just want to express how thankful I am that I had the option of a safe and legal abortion and that I didn’t...
My neighbor is having the loudest sex I have ever heard so I started blasting “Rock You Like a Hurricane”.
city swede: Had some grown ass man →
clapsandpraises:
hustle—rose:
hitting on me last night and he was rather attractive, but in his late 30s. Him, his friends, and his co-workers invited me back to his apartment to hang out and play darts and have a couple drinks. He seemed charming (in the dim lighting and loud music), I like free booze, and the bar was closing…
Reblogged for humanity.
Something that is ridiculously fun to...
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Got the spirit.
The past two or three days have been among the best in my college years. I now that sounds stupid and all I did was go to class and work and hang out with Tim, Mark, Dragon etc. but I just felt so wonderful.
I slept at Mark’s last night and I woke up at 10:30 which is a decent hour and I did half of my chinese homework and Mark and I played two games of 10,000 (which I won) and then Dragon...
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“The tulips are too excitable, it is winter here.
Look how white everything is,...”
– “Tulips”
-Sylvia Plath
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More of the Same →
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holding underwater
This morning I woke up to the feeling that I had overdosed and that my skin was peeling and flaking off. My body was heavy like being held underwater and the first thing I thought was about how uneven my relationships seem to be.
I can’t lie and say I didn’t feel just like that night just a week ago.
It hasn’t been a good day, obviously, and I wish I could just consciously...
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Another song that I fine beautiful and cruelly...
“Wouldn’t it just be rock ‘n roll if liking someone meant they had to like you...”
– Pushing Daisies (via misswallflower)
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“Being born a woman is an awful tragedy… Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with...”
– Sylvia Plath (via sarahgraham7)
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Getting smaller
I hate writing two personal text posts in a row like this but I’m going to do it anyway because it is 11 am and I am already having a bad morning.
I finally saw a shrink today, I hate using the word shrink but my mom always does so now I am. (EDIT: Shrink refers to a psychiatrist who does not do talk therapy but diagnoses a disorder and prescribes medication) It was terrible. She basically...
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1/16
Today was a good one. I saw Alex who I haven’t seen in far too long. We went to Reckless where I saw a Butthole Surfers shirt that I really wanted to get for Joe (seeing as they are one of his favorite bands and those shirts aren’t easy to come by) but it was an XL. Then we came back to my place, had tea, talked, and smoked a couple cigarettes. It was nice to catch up since we...
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Too young to choose it and the clock waits so... →
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“I have noticed that even people who think everything is predestined and that we...”
– Stephen Hawking (via nickelcobalt)
Open →
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treeslikelungs:
America - Simon and Garfunkel
nicki binds: The truly creative mind in any field... →
The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add…
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